


Butterflies

by RobbieCryptic



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dave Strider, Childhood Friends, Dave strider/Terezi pyrope (past) - Freeform, Eventual Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, First Kiss, Getting Together, Homestuck - Freeform, Humanstuck, Hurt/Comfort (?), Karkat Vantas - Freeform, M/M, Mentioned June Egbert - Freeform, Mentioned Terezi Pyrope, POV Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde - Freeform, Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider are Siblings, bigkat, dave strider - Freeform, dave strider/karkat vantas - Freeform, fluff and a bit of angst, idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:07:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25996471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobbieCryptic/pseuds/RobbieCryptic
Summary: Davekat Humanstuck high school Reunion auBasically Dave just rambles about high school and then runs into Karkat at a High school reunion and realizes how tall he's gotten and gay panic Ensues. It's kind of hurt/comfort And a little bit of angst with a happy ending.
Relationships: DaveKat
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	Butterflies

My name is David Elizabeth Strider  
But most people just know me as dave.

I'm 23, and I'm about to attend my 5 year high school reunion.

Ok first off, let's get some background. Because in order to tell a good story, you gotta have context. That's just basic math. 

So, I became friends with karkat vantas at the beginning of high school. Sure we had a rocky start freshman year but we got through it pretty fast and we were almost inseparable by sophomore. Well, key word almost. We still had our differences but seemed to be able to put them aside or (at least) get around them for the most part. 

That is until halfway through junior year, we added a third party to our dynamic duo. I mean, obviously we had always had other friends. He had kanaya and gamzee Etc, and I had my sister and june and jade. But I had always known them. I mean, I've literally known Rose since birth. Karkat was the first friend I had that wasn't just because we had always been friends, although sometimes it felt like we had been. with this new person though, me and karkat would always hang out with her together. 

Her name was terezi. And damn it, she was awesome. She was probably one of the coolest girls I ever knew. And like, basically all my other friends were girls. She was one hell of an artist and always just said whatever she ment, no tiptoeing around or trying to spare your feelings. She was always real with me and I admired her for that. 

For a while the three of us worked pretty well together. TZ was the one person who could get between me and karkats endless ramblings and live to be honest.

until I had to go and fuck it up that is. 

See the thing is, I think I liked terezi a little too much. Like, to the point where it was... let's say more than platonic. At first I thought "great! I like a girl that isn't miles out of my league!" or at least someone who is somewhat attainable unlike most of my previous crushes. I was exited to tell my best bro, but for some reason I was hesitant. Even before I knew...

Like in most situations like this, I talked to my sister about it first. It was the usual stuff from her "congrats, I'm glad you're not a total loser who can't even feel real love" well... maybe not that exactly but, something like that. But when I told her it was terezi she was well, she didn't seem as laid back as before.

More background, my sister Rose had been dating her girlfriend at the time (now fiance) Kanaya. Who as I mentioned before was friends with karkat. The reason we never hung out in a group of four was, well I didn't exactly want to get between my sister and her girlfriend and I mean honestly, before TZ, I never really wanted to share karks. Not really.

Anyway back to the story, sometimes karkat would talk to kanaya about things and sometimes kanaya would tell those things to Rose. But there was sort of this unspoken agreement that to keep everyone's privacy she would never pass these things onto me. That day she broke that agreement.

I think she tried to break it to me softly but then again Rose was never known for being soft. Apparently, unbeknownst to me karkat had been talking for weeks to kanaya about how totally in love he was with terezi. Maybe not in love but it certainly seemed that way with how much rose said he talking to kanaya about it. 

looking back on the whole situation now there was so much he said she said and it was so saturated in Teen Angst and drama that there was no possible way it could have had a good outcome. I remember being jealous first, although I'm not entirely sure who of. But after a little while i mostly just felt guilty. He had liked terezi for weeks and I hadn't even noticed, I wondered if that was the reason he introduced her into our group in the first place, maybe he was planning on making a move and wanted to be sure his soon to be girlfriend and his best bro got along first. The more I thought about it the worse I felt, he had put so much effort into making sure him having a girlfriend wouldn't get in the way of bro time, I mean, how many guys would do that? karkat was my best friend, I didn't want to fuck up his chances but I didn't want to give up mine either.

As much as I didn't want to I decided the best thing to do was to talk to him. It wasn't easy that's for sure, it was a lot for me to even get to a part in one of our many late night conversations where the mood was right. But somehow I was able to pull it off. Definitely not seamlessly but it could have been worse. It was, kind of in the middle of a conversation, he was talking about something else, and looking back he was trying to tell me something I know he was, but I was too much of a jackass to even listen. I ended up just blurting it out "I like terezi!" I said. "And I know you like her too" it took a minute for him to respond but he seemed to take it better than I thought he would.

We ended up agreeing that it was just best if neither of us tried to get with terezi. We decided that putting our friendship on the line wasn't worth some girl. Even if that girl was Terezi. 

And that seemed to work for a while but, once again I will reiterate I had to go and fuck shit over. I was able to keep it in my pants for the rest of junior year, and even for a good chunk of senior. But with the stress of school and all the hype around prom and the fact that I had never had a real girlfriend and I was almost 18, wore me down. It certainly didn't help that my feelings for terezi hadn't seemed to go away either. 

I really didn't plan on doing it I swear, it just sort of happened. Me and her were hanging out at her place as we had become accustomed to. The only one of my friends other than my sister that I had ever even allowed to come to my old house was Karkat. I'm not going to go into detail on why, since this is getting long enough as it is, but let's just say I wasn't super keen on having people I care about see that place.

Anyway me and TZ were chilling as you do, listening to some sick beats. when suddenly it was like someone flipped a switch in the room and the whole mood changed. Her hand was dangerously close to mine and the unnatural cool light coming off her phone made her hair look ever so soft, it wasn't even really a thought it just, happened. I kissed her. 

And I know what you're thinking "wow, dave didn't even ask? Didn't your mommy ever teach you about consent?" Well one, no. she didn't. And two, I was 17! And like I said I didn't really think about it. I regret it obviously but at the time I was just so lost in the moment I didn't even- 

Look, it was... it was nice. Kissing Terezi and, she did kiss back. Sometimes I wish she hadn't, sometimes I really wish that she had just pushed me away and told me to fuck off because, well than shit wouldn't be so messed up now. 

But that didn't happen, we kissed. And it wasn't really a good kiss but it was my first kiss. Well unless we count- no! That one definitely does not count! 

My first kiss was with Terezi Pyrope at the sad age of 17, in her bedroom, with a knot in my stomach. 

We started dating shortly after and when karkat found out, well I never really like talking about when karkat found out.  
When I looked at him I could see on his face how big I had fucked up. He tried to act cool around terezi of course but I could see in his eyes as he said "I'm happy for you" how bad he was hurting. 

But It wasn't tell I tried to talk to him later that I got the full blow. He was understandably Furious. He was shouting about how "YOU MADE A PROMISE! WE MADE A PROMISE! YOU KNEW LIKED HER! HOW COULD YOU?!" I felt like shit and yet I didn't even apologize. I tried to but it felt like the words were stuck in my throat and when I tried to talk it was like there wasn't even air. 

That was the last real conversation I had with him, if you could even call it that. I ended up taking terezi to prom. Even though me and karkat always said we would go together, as bros. 

Sure I saw him around school and heard the odd thing about him from Kanaya whenever she was with rose, but we definitely weren't friends anymore. I remember at graduation I had this whole thing planned out. I was going to apologize to him and try and fix things before we went off to different schools and I would never see him again. I wanted to make things right but, what what was I supposed to say? I was still with TZ at the time and it wasn't like I could just expect him to get over that. 

I didn't end up talking to him at graduation. I didn't end up talking to him ever again...

Me and Terezi broke up later that year, I'm still on good terms with her but we don't talk much anymore.

And now we're here. As I said I'm heading to my 5-year High School reunion and if kanaya is right, which she almost always is, karkat is gonna be there. And shit I'm gonna be real when I heard I almost didn't go. But I decided I had left this long enough. I was gonna have a plan of what to say but, I don't know. I guess it would be best just to, speak from the heart? Even though I'm kinda shit at that.

We got to the place I little late as usual, I always take at least 20 minutes longer than I think I will and yet I never seem to plan ahead about it. 

When we did finally arrive it's like I'm hit with this huge wave of nostalgia, so many familiar faces and people I didn't even realize I had remembered until now. I'm wandering aimlessly squeezing out half-hearted greetings to people I haven't talked to in at least 5 years. And suddenly a bump into someone, literally. I almost spill my drink on them. In my attempts to apologize I realized who I bumped into. 

He's, different. He's taller, way taller, like big. he was always so little when I knew him. I mean I wasn't tall, I was 5'6" still am. But he was always shorter than me. And now, oh boy. He's at least 6 ft. How do you even get that tall?? I mean people always told me you could keep growing up until you were 18 or 19 but I always thought that was just people trying to make me feel better. 

My head panned up to look at his face, he still looks like himself no question, but his face looks more, defined? No that's not the word, I mean,  
He's hot. Like, really hot.  
Is that weird?? It's not weird for me to think that right?? Shit, I can feel my face getting red, fuck, fuck! Why is he looking at me like that? And why the hell am I reacting like this? Oh shit I need to say something! He's just looking at me, omigod he's so big holy shit. Uhhhh, ok just calm down dave this is like, really out of character, ok. Just, talk to him.

"Uhhh heyyee, karkat..." well that was just great, you really know how to make conversation dave. You know you should totally get a job in, conversation having. Cuz you're just, so good at it. God I can't even be snarky with myself right now. 

"Um, hey" he says. God, did his voice get hotter too? Can you go through puberty twice!? Because that seems like the only logical explanation for this. I stare at him for an obviously uncomfortable amount of time before speaking again, "I um h-" this is going just swimmingly "how... are you?" I finally manage to say a real sentence. He looks at me and I can tell he's disappointed, I break from being unexpectedly flustered to think about how this is the first time I've talked to him since it all happened.

"Good" he says. I always wish I was better at reading people, maybe then I wouldn't mess up stuff so much. But I'm just so fucking oblivious, the only difference between me now and when I was a teenager is at least now I'm aware of it. I try to calm my nerves and keep the conversation going, "that's good! Uh, that you are, good that is" This is an absolute train wreck. My hands are sweaty, my knees feel like they're gonna give out any minute, I can tell my face is still a little flushed too. There's no way he hasn't noticed but honestly I can't tell by looking at him, other than the bit of surprise when he first saw me his face hasn't changed much since I first bumped into him. He's just looking at me. 

I want to apologize I really do but what would I even say? 'Hey sorry I dated that girl we both liked 5 years ago even though I knew you liked her and then I never apologize for it' who fucking does that? Maybe he's over it now, it has been 5 years... maybe he doesn't even think about me anymore. Maybe he really is doing good, maybe he's doing fantastic. He certainly looks it. Why does that bother me so much? That would be good, right? 

Karkat's expression changes from the Stillness to slight confusion as I just now realize I've been crushing the now empty foam cup in my hand. As soon as I notice I try to play it off and hind it behind my back as if that helps. 

He says something but with all the other chatter and slight music I can't really hear him "what?!" I say, trying my best to speak over the endless white noise of conversation around us. He gives an exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes and then begins to bend down, his head is right beside mine now and he says into my ear "you seem stressed, wanna catch up outside?" I'm startled by how close he is, I can feel his breath as he speaks, that slightly raspy voice from yelling so much as a kid that I now remember so well. It's not too different from when I knew him, if not a little more calm and Stern. More, grown up I guess. But god he never had this effect on me before. I feel almost dizzy, and this lightness in my chest like... butterflies. What the actual hell is wrong with me. 

I'm finally able to calm the fuck down for a second and Nod in affirmation. We start to walk to one of the exits. The reunion is being held in the gym of our old school building so if the people weren't enough the smell and scenery are sure to bring up shit from the past. It makes me think about being a kid, especially with karkat here. The smell of his shampoo is still lingering on my left shoulder, he still uses the same one. I didn't even realize how much I missed it tell now, the familiar smell of lemon and lavender. I always used to say it was a gay shampoo, god, how ironic that is coming from me now. Jesus christ.

As we step into the evening air I finally feel like I can breath, and then quickly loose that ability when karkat turns to me and I have to once again take in how big he's gotten, and how good he looks out here, even in the glow of the street lights and the red of the exit sigh just above us. He really has gotten so pretty, or maybe he always has been? Maybe I never noticed, maybe I just didn't want to notice. Why I'm only thinking about it now beats me. 

"So," he starts "you doing ok?" There's a slight lilt in his voice as he asks, man I guess since I saw him I've been acting pretty weird on his side of the conversation, or lack thereof. "I, yeah" I managed to squeeze out "just a little overwhelmed I guess..." that's one way to put it. 

"I was," he started to speak, pausing in the middle "I thought maybe you weren't going to make it. Kanaya said..." he didn't finish. wait, did he come because he wanted to see me? I would be lying if I said my heart didn't flutter at the thought. God that's cheesy. "Did you, want to see me?" I asked. "I, I did" he replied. He waited for me to say something back but I honestly didn't know how to respond. All this time I thought he still hated me, that when he saw me he'd regret coming. But the fact that the reason he even came was because kanaya told him I was coming.

We stood there for a moment in silence, it was probably only like half a minute but jesus it felt like hours. He spoke first "I'm sorry, for what happened to us... back then" sorry? Why is he sorry? I'm the one who came to apologize?? But of course like an idiot I just say "uh it's cool" holy shit. I suck. Ok come on dave just say the shit you wanna say for once in your miserable little life! 

I say,  
"No it, it's not cool actually. And you shouldn't be apologizing, I was the one who screwed things up, I dated Terezi even though I knew you had feelings for her too. That was not cool of me." God I sound like such a douche, even when I'm apologizing. I waited for karkat to unleash all the anger I assumed he'd been holding in this whole time. For him to curse me out and tell me to go fuck myself. But that didn't happen. Instead, "haha, yeah. You were kind of an asshole" he giggled, and a small nostalgic smile appeared on his face. He was laughing, I hadn't realized how much I missed that. Sure he was all big and grown up but but he still snorted like that dorky kid I used to call my best bro. 

"Y- you're not mad??" I said surprised. "What? No no, I mean I was but I was 17, it's been like 5 years dude" so I was right after all I guess, he really did move on from all that. From me.  
"Oh" was all I could say. I should be happy, but I'm not. This is the best possible outcome and yet I'm still not satisfied. Why am I here. Why did I even come tonight. I mean I definitely didn't want karkat to be mad at me, but he's not and yet it doesn't make me feel any better than if he was.

I started to step back to the door but as I turned around and I felt his grasp around my wrist "wait-" he said as he tried to pull me back from the door. I don't think he was aware of how small I was and how strong he was because in trying to just keep me from moving he ended up pulling me completely into him. God I hate the way he can just pull me around now... do I? My face is hot again. 

"I uh sorry," he says pushing me off of his chest slightly. He's turning his head away from me like he's trying to avert his eyes. His hands are on my shoulders and we are a few inches apart. I'm waiting for him to talk but he doesn't For a while, after some time finally Saying,  
"do you... remember when I went to your house"  
Oh god.

Oh god yeah I remember, I didn't even realize how much I remembered of it till now, I remembered it too well. 

So, when I said terezi was my first kiss,  
Well that might not be completely true. Okay so I still count terezi as my first kiss where I actively liked the person, or well you know. Me and her started dating afterwards. It just always seemed more official then the... other option. 

I said my first kiss was with terezi pyrope when I was 17, in her room.  
And though I still count that as the first kiss that ever led to anything, my real first was...

My first kiss was with Karkat Vantas, age 14, in my living room. 

Now it's not what you think! I swear it's not like it was ga- I, um. Well... i don't know ok. It was weird. Not the kiss really just, how much I... liked it. 

Rose lived with our mom at the time and my bro was out. So I had the place all to myself and I had the perfect plan.  
Sleep over with karkat. It was gonna be great! We'd make pop corn and order pizza and watch all those dumb romcoms he wouldn't shut up about. And for the most part it went off without a hitch! We even made a blanket fort in the living room to sleep in. Since bro wouldn't be back till late the next day, I knew I would have plenty of time to clean up the house so he wouldn't suspect anything. The beginning of the night was filled with loud laughter and dumb jokes. Two 14 year old boys just goofing off, It was fun. 

I had never really had a friend over before other than Rose a few times, and that was cuz she was family. I was always too scared to bring my other friends around like Jade or June, I was so scared bro would hate them or make fun of me for them, or that they would make fun of me for the state of the house. But I never had that last fear with karkat. I never felt like he would judge me. He got me. And I got him. We got each other. 

As the night went on it got quieter, we started watching some movies but halfway through the second one it more became background noise to our little conversations. We sat there, and I'm not really sure how we got to it but somehow we were on the topic of relationships, mainly our lack of experience in them. Most of the conversation I don't really remember, I mean it was almost 10 years ago. But one part of the conversation that I will never forget was when Karkat asked me if I had ever kissed anyone, I said no. Which was weird, I mean I didn't have any reason to lie to him but, I don't really know why I was honest. He said he hadn't either which did make me feel I little better about my answer. 

I remember we were laying down slightly propped up against the bottom of my couch but on an angle due to some pillows on the floor beneath us, we were facing each other and though there was a bit of a distance it wasn't much of one. He wasn't looking at me, I remember thinking in the moment that I wanted him to look at me. He asked, almost into the pillow  
"do you ever wonder what it feels like?"  
"To kiss someone?" I responded.  
"Or you know whatever." he said, annoyed in that way karkat kind of always was. "Yeah..." I said, actually giving him an answer this time. He finally looked at me, and I swear I felt something in that moment that I can only name now, those... butterflies. He asked me something but I was kinda zoned out so i just said "sure," and before I knew what was happening, he kissed me.

I was surprised obviously. I'd never been kissed before and I wasn't exactly expecting it. It only lasted for a few seconds before karkat pulled away. He looked at me for a moment like he was waiting for something, but when nothing came he just started giggling and said "eww! That was gross haha, never doing that again!" And then rolled over. It took me a minute to process it all, and it honestly took me a few days to come to terms with how I felt about it, maybe I'm still trying to figure that out. Maybe I just did. 

We're back in the present now, me and karkat are outside the reunion and he has both his hands on my shoulders. After just standing there for a while I finally answer his question "...yes." I look down at my feet, the light of the exit sign reflected on the slightly damp asphalt of the parking lot. 

he starts speaking but I still don't look up "I didn't mean what I said you know" "what?"  
"That I thought it was gross, I didn't mean it, you just... it didn't look like you liked it so I tried to play it off like I didn't either. Even though you said you wanted to, it looked like you regretted it afterwards"

I never heard what he said back then. He must have asked me if I wanted to kiss him... Part of me knows that if I had heard him I would have said no, but a bigger part of me is so glad I didn't. Hear him, I mean. 

Ok Dave, enough reminiscing

There's currently a 6 ft karkat 8 inches from you who just admitted to wanting to kiss you since you were 14. 

"b- but what about terezi? I mean, didn't you like her?"  
"yeah but, I mean, just because I started liking her doesn't mean I stopped liking you, why do you think I got so upset when you guys dated??"  
That did kinda make sense, I mean hell I'd be pissed too. If both my crushes started dating. Both crushes... 

KARKAT HAD A CRUSH ON ME! holy shit, huh. Wow. Does he still? How did I not know this?? Why am I so excited!? oh god I can not even think right now! I can't help but start smiling, 

I start smiling right before I start crying. As soon as he notices this his whole demeanour changes,  
"Woah, d- dave are you ok?? What's wrong?"  
"Nothing! I'm just," I remove my shades and wipe my face with the sleeve of my button up.  
"I think I'm just really happy" that's... true.  
He pulls me into probably the best hug I've ever had and for maybe the first time in my life I actually feel, okay. I'm griping the back of his sweater like it's a life line and at this point I'm practically sobbing into his shoulder. He just holds me, he has his hand on the back of my neck and he's rubbing his thumb back and forth. 

A few minutes go by, and I've stopped crying, but I'm still holding him. He says something in my ear and this time,  
This time I hear it. 

"...Can I kiss you?" I think this is the first time I've ever really heard him whisper. I don't even say anything. I just look up, go on my tiptoes and basically shove my face into his. 

And god it's amazing, the butterflies are back and the first thing I can think of is jesus christ this is so much better then when we were 14. Like wow. I feel like I'm literally weightless, to be fair it's probably because he could actually pick me up with no effort, honestly I think I kind of want him to.  
And of course like a god damn mind reader he lifts me up off the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist but I don't stop kissing him, there are little breaks but they don't last long. I mean fuck this so good, I didn't even know I wanted this till now but I think now that I do, it's like I always have. 

Finally we actually stop, and shit I'm literally panting. It's kind of really embarrassing. "Fuck" is all I can say.  
"No kidding" he says with a giggle. 

Shit. I love him. Like for real. Don't know when I'll ever actually say it, but I know it. 

He puts me down and for a second it feels like my legs don't work, luckily I have a literal giant to hold me up. I let my head fall into his chest and I take a deep breath, this is all really new and I'm not really sure what's gonna happen, but I'm really happy, happier than I've been in a while. He kisses me one more time of the top of my head and I just know it's all gonna be ok. 

"What the fuck am I gonna tell rose"


End file.
